Question: "Hello there! Now that we've been working together I have been able to change so many habits and I feel like a big weight has been lifted off me! Everything seems to be falling into place. However, I am feeling resistance from my family in trying to keep everything organized. And our calendars are still not in sync. For example, my family still informs me of events that they have to get to last minute. How can I keep my family from undoing everything I've worked so hard to put in place?"
Productivity Expert's Answer: "Hello. I am glad things are coming together for you! Now that you are working full time and trying to start your business I bet you are feeling like you could use a little help and support at home. Your family sounds like they need a little "training". I am in no way a family therapist, but I do know that little petty annoyances can grow and grow and may end up destroying a family if not taken care of openly and honestly. Once, your family knows what to do and why they will see that the energy shift in the home and whole atmosphere will change. Cliché saying, but when "mom/wife" is happy the whole family is happier, right?
Here are a few things you can do to hopefully help them see the benefit in all getting on the same page:
1. Get your spouse on board first. I think you need a united front as a couple when you are trying to implement changes for the whole family. If your children see your husband "not playing by the rules" the children will most likely model his behavior. Have a non-judgmental discussion (not argument) with your husband. Tell him why you are making these changes and paint the picture of how you would like the household to run. It doesn't hurt to let him know "what is in it for him" to motivate him and get him moving towards the same vision for your family that you have.
Be sure everyone knows exactly how to do what you are asking them to do and why you specifically want the task done that way. Just like having a new employee - you need to train them on exactly why you want the task done they way that you want it done - no shortcuts. I am sure you have your reasons for getting something done in a certain way. If you don't explain this part you might not get what you are asking for and you might start thinking it is easier and faster if you just do it yourself. They will probably understand if you just explain it and then stop micro-managing. If the task ends up being done incorrectly again, calmly try explaining it again and asking why they thought that was the way to do it.
2. Have a central calendar. Sounds like you are still having a little trouble with last minute events added to your family calendar. If your kids are younger you can make the calendar more visual and have it on the wall in the kitchen for everyone to write their events in - maybe even in different colors for different members of the family. If your kids are older and have smart phones you may want to have everyone in the family on Google calendars. This way everyone can add their events onto their own calendar and it will sync with everyone's phone/computers.
Build in Incentives. A calm and organized atmosphere and the families schedules being effortlessly in sync without arguments should be enough of an incentive. But, you may want to add in some rewards - especially for younger children. So, just putting little incentives in place like everyone will go to the zoo or movies together if the house is picked up could help get them in these new habits.
3. Consider getting outside help. Purging items that are no longer serving you, putting things back where they belong and organized is different than cleaning. Now that you are working full time and trying to start your business, maybe you could look at getting outside help with the actual routine cleaning. Add up the hours you spend on routine cleaning every week and what you would make per hour if you were at work or working on your business then outsource these tasks. This once thought of luxury service is now relatively less than a dinner out in a restaurant. The bonus here too is that you may be cutting out an unhealthy restaurant meal at the same time. Just be sure to put those hours you claim back into your life from not cleaning get put to good use. Plan meaningful activities with your family ahead of time to avoid the "what do you want to do back and forth" or letting other chores creep into this new "found" time. Or, vow to only work on revenue generating activities while the housekeepers are there to see an instant return on investment (ROI) from their cleaning fees.
Remember you are the gracious queen of your family, not the servant. Self-care is so important so that you can give more to your family and business without feeling used or empty. Take care of these annoyances, and your energy will soar.
Erica Duran is a Productivity Expert and Certified Professional Organizer (CPO®). At Erica Duran International (http://www.ericaduran.co), she provides both virtual and in-person coaching around the globe through her programs, courses, and products. Erica mostly attracts women entrepreneurs and business owners. She helps them to clear the clutter in their lives at ALL levels, gets them out of just being "busy" and "overwhelmed" and into a calm, flowing, and balanced lifestyle.
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